Depression

Tweet I've been vocal about living with depression but I don't think I've ever really posted about what it's like when I'm depressed. Thankfully, through medication, I don't have to deal with depression very often. 

However, I'm dealing with depression right now. I hate it. I hate what it does to me and I hate what I, in turn, do to everyone around me when I'm depressed. 

Yes, I'm on Zoloft and my life is so much better because of it. However, it's not perfect. Everyday is not some miraculously wonderful stress-free day. Depression still slaps me in the face at inopportune moments...Zoloft just helps it happen less often. 

Right now, I want to run away by myself without anyone being able to find me until I'm ready to be found. 

No, I'm not going to do it. Even at my worst, I'm still rational. I have two wonderful kids who depend on me and need me. That fact never leaves my thoughts, although I often wonder if things would be different without antidepressants. It scares me enough to know, without a doubt, that I will continue to treat my depression with medication for as long as I live.

Right now, everything is overwhelming. Everything is too much and I want to walk away from my responsibilities. I want to turn in on myself and ignore the rest of the world until I feel like myself again.

I know that I can't do that, regardless of how much I want to and I am grateful for enough clarity to realize it. 

Right now, I want to be alone. It literally exhausts me to have a simple conversation with someone. Chitchat requires more energy than I have available to expend.

Right now, I'm numb. I don't connect with other people the way I should when I'm depressed. I don't feel appropriate emotions, positive or negative, when I'm depressed. I view life happening around me like an observer & not a participant.

I unintentionally hurt people when I'm depressed. I know it. I see it happening and I am powerless to stop it. Feeling powerless is part of my depression. Being powerless is one of my biggest fears and depression is good at using that against me.

I used to feel like this all of the time. Now, it just hits me every once in a while but sometimes I think it's harder on this side. 

I know what it feels like to enjoy life now. I know what it feels like to wake up in the morning aware of the fact that I am blessed in so many ways.

I know what it feels like to be happy and I know exactly what I'm missing.

Can I Love LGBTs & Chick-Fil-A?

Tweet I've been doing some soul searching after reading comments, posts, & rants from friends & acquaintances on both sides of the political issue.

I don't love Dan Cathy and his multi-million dollar support for organizations that actively work to deny civil rights to a minority group in this country. I don't love that Dan Cathy supports organizations that attempt to "turn" gays & lesbians straight.

For what it's worth, whenever someone says "traditional marriage," I immediately think about sister wives, not legally owning property, & not being allowed in public without a male escort. I also think about how "traditional marriages" allowed men to beat their wives if they felt it was necessary. Personally, I don't want anything to do with a traditional marriage but I guess some people are into that lifestyle.

On the flipside, I do like what I have seen firsthand of local Chick-Fil-As supporting community activities, youth programs (secular & religious), local scholarships, etc. I've never known of discriminatory hiring practices (not saying it hasn't happened ever) or of Chick-Fil-A refusing to serve someone because of their sexual orientation.

I also don't participate in boycotts. Chick-Fil-A isn't the first business (or STATE) I've been encouraged to boycott because of beliefs I disagree with. I didn't boycott them, either. Boycotts are not how I engage my time to foment change. Partly because I don't see them as being effective with extremely large corporations and partly because I'm lazy. For example, I'd love to boycott all things Monsanto but I don't feel like researching every single company Monsanto dirties.

When I want to see change, I take action in other ways. Physically. I have traveled to state capitals to protest issues. I have involved myself with letter writing campaigns to representatives. I have spoken out publicly with the news media (in high school even!) and now through social media forums that are readily available to anyone with a computer or a smart phone. I have stomped the pavement with like minded individuals and I never miss an election.

Enough justification

If not participating in a boycott against Chick-Fil-A sullies your opinion of me, I'm sorry. Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about civil rights & equality. If this one boycott negates every thing else I do & have done, that says more about you than it does about me. A lot of people know that this isn't the first popular boycott that I haven't participated in and I can guarantee it won't be the last.

As for everyone protesting Dan Cathy & the organizations he supports by participating in this boycott, good luck. I mean that in all sincerity. I truly believe our nation is on the cusp of granting civil rights to all. If this boycott merely helps more people get involved in the discussion of civil rights versus personal religious beliefs, it will be a success on at least one level.

In the meantime, am I going to continue shouting from the rooftops my love for the banana pudding milkshake? No. I'll shut up about that. I'll eat my milkshake in silence. Possibly while wearing a PRIDE shirt.

Out of the blue...

Tweet I've been "home" in Georgia for about a week. Klaw and I have had a blast enjoying the beaches and visiting with friends. My beautiful Nana turned 90 and had a wonderful celebration at the church.

I was visiting my "bonus" Mama, the mother of my friend, Jessica. She was at the hospital with her own mother who was undergoing a procedure, so I stopped by to see them both.

Later this summer, my bonus Mama is getting married to a wonderful man who has re-entered her life and I haven't seen her this happy in a long time. While we were visiting, we spent a lot if time discussing the upcoming wedding and various things that have been going on in Brunswick.

In walked a tech who was going to start the transfusion to my bonus Nana (not my 90 year old Nana, I know this can get confusing). He was super friendly and chatty and he looked at me then Mama Butts and innocently asked if I was her daughter.

Mama Butts and I both got quiet. I told him that I wasn't her daughter but he had no idea what a compliment he had just given me. While Mama B explained that she lost Jessica many years ago and my friendship with her, the tears just started falling. From me.

It hits me hard sometimes and rarely when I expect it. There is so much joy in my life, in Mama B's life, right now.

So much joy I wish I could share with Jessica.

I visited her tomb on Tuesday after leaving the hospital. I had to. I had to touch something. I needed to physically connect with something that will forever record her life here. I needed grounding.

I do believe in a spiritual life after our corporeal bodies are spent. I do believe that Jessica's spirit, her essence, will be with us at her Mama's wedding.

I just wish I could hug her.

When bloggers disappear...

Tweet Where do they go?

I've been mainly going to the local Y & working my butt off. Literally.

I even have the blisters to prove it.

Chris & I created accounts on MyFitnessPal so that we could track our food & exercise to help us both get back in shape.

As much as I would love to lose weight, I realize and accept that my body is just different since having Klaw. My hips are wider & my booty actually sticks out now.

I'm okay with this.

I'm not okay with my lack of energy and poor muscle tone. That's what I'm hoping to "fix" more than anything else.

I have lost 6 pounds along the way, which means I finally weigh less than I did the day I gave birth...before I gave birth.

Also? The Submarine Birthday Ball is coming up and I bought a smoking hot dress that accentuates my curves. Spanx helps to contain the extra fabulosity. I don't mind the help!

(also, I'm checking out a Blogger app to see how it does for posting on the fly, so I have no idea what this post is actually going to look like published!)

Have you ever reached your breaking point where your health is concerned? Did you have to learn to accept changes to your body due to age, illness, or pregnancy?

Top Ten Things I NEVER Want to Do

Tweet In no particular order, these are the

Top Ten Things I NEVER Want to Do:

Photo Credit: goingslo

1 - Hold a tarantula.

2 - Go sky diving.

3 - .Give birth to twenty kids.

4 - Run a marathon.

5 - Hang out at a clown convention.

6 - Go bungee jumping.

Photo Credit: Carla777

 7 - Wear jorts.

8 - Watch Titanic again.

9 - Help my mom start a blog.

10 - Be President of the United States.

Inspired by :: 3.) Create a reverse bucket list that names the top ten things you never want to do.

(Inspired by The Hairpin)

Is there anything on this list you disagree with? What would you add?

Giving it up for Lent

Tweet  It's almost time for Lent. This will be my third Lent whilst blogging.  The first year, I got philosophical about how Lent is a time for reflection and preparation since I was about to have a baby.  Last year, I gave up Facebook & BabyCenter to focus (pretty successfully, in my opinion) on this blog.

photo credit: robinsan

This year?  This year, I'm just going to be completely vain.  I'm not kidding. I'm giving up bread, rolls, & chips.

How is this vain?

I love bread. The last time I gave up bread, I lost weight quickly and, quite honestly, I would like to lose some weight.

I've already been to the doctor(s) and I do have some minor common (& not so common) things going on that are affecting my energy level.  I'm in the process of taking care of those issues and I hope by dumping some of the fairly empty carbs I love to consume, I'll be able to kick start some weight loss.

I weigh about 5 pounds more than I weighed the day I gave birth to Klaw. I'm about 30 pounds heavier than I was when I got pregnant. I don't even care to lose all 30 pounds.  I just want to have fewer creases in my flabulous belly.

It would be easy to assume that I'm completely missing the point of Lent.

I'm not.

Giving up bread, rolls, & chips will be a huge sacrifice and I promise you, I will think on Christ's most holy sacrifice as my mouth waters and my stomach grumbles while I eat a salad at Panera Bread or nuggets at Chick-fil-a.

Hopefully, after 40 weeks, I will be a better, slightly trimmer person.

Do you celebrate Lent or any other annual period of sacrifice & reflection? What would be the hardest thing to give up? What would improve your life the most if you could give it up?

Valentine's Day is Dumb #VlogTalk

Tweet

Today's vlog is inspired by

1) Tell us about your worst Valentines Day date.

 

How do you feel about Valentine's Day? 

Do you do something special or do you just ignore it? 

Did you get "Be My Valentine" cards from the cute boys or girls when you were in elementary school?

Clowns are Creepy

Tweet I hate clowns.


Seriously. They scare the crap out of me.

According to a question I posted on Facebook, *most* people agree with me. Clowns are creepy.

I didn't like circuses because of the clowns long before I had issues with the treatment of circus animals.

I blame my sister completely.  She's scared of them, too, for the record.

We watched horror movies long before most kids are allowed to watch horror movies. I won't debate whether or not that's a good thing, but I really love scary movies.

Back to my point...

this is one of my first memories involving a clown

Did you jump? I did.

This has not gotten better as I've gotten older, either. I'd like to thank Stephen King for making things worse by combining spiders and clowns to create my worst nightmare.

Easily one of the scariest books & creepiest movies ever.

 I'm every nightmare you've ever had. I'm your worst dream come true. I'm everything you ever were afraid of. (Pennywise, IT)

OH! Wondering where the spider comes in?

Yeah. That. The clown suit was just a cover.

You're welcome.

Sweet dreams.

 Let go. Be afraid. You all taste so much better when you're afraid. (Pennywise, IT)

You Won't Marry Me - Challenge Accepted

Tweet Have you ever wondered why or how Chris & I got married?  Here's our love story...you may want to have the tissues handy...

August 2001

Chris was fresh out of Officer Candidate School & working at The Citadel in Charleston, SC, waiting to attend the Naval Weapons Station for training.

I was starting my third year in The Holy City, living with one of my oldest & dearest friends, Arynn.

It just so happened that my roomie's ex-boyfriend was one of Chris's best friends and fraternity brothers at Georgia Tech.  Arynn was the only person Chris knew in the area, so one evening he called and offered to take her and her roommate (ME!) out to dinner.

For some background, I was happily & decidedly single...not lonely...single.  I was also working 50+ hours a week for barely more than minimum wage in a very physically demanding job, so I was also hungry.

Enter Chris...Chris, a frat monkey I already knew stories about and had seen pictures of from various trips during his Georgia Tech days.

Years before meeting Chris
Dana: "He's kind of cute."
Arynn:  "Yeah. He knows it."
Dana: "Oh. One of those...gross."

He dated another girl I knew. It didn't end well...much like most of his relationships prior to me.  So, to put it mildly, I didn't like him before I even met him.

However, I'm never one to turn down a free meal.  Especially when I'm hungry.

We went to one of my favorite local restaurants, The Wreck, and I ate so much food. I ordered extra hush puppies because he was flashing cash like he just got his bonus.  A girl's gotta eat...

September 2001

We went out a few times after that. I took him to a local band's concert so I could try & make a bass player jealous.  Fun stuff like that!

One night, we had a real date.  We went to dinner at a nice French restaurant I worked at for a while and then saw Jeepers Creepers together.  He drove me home, walked me to the door...

Chris: "Well, I feel like we've gotten to know each other and we've become more than friends. Would it be appropriate if I kissed you goodnight."

BitchDana: "First of all, we're barely more than acquaintances. Second of all, if you have to ask if it's appropriate to kiss someone good night, it's obviously not."

Chris: "Okay. You can call me when you get back from your sister's if you want to." (gets in car immediately and leaves)

I left the next day to visit my brand new niece and had several days to reflect on what had happened.  A guy had, for the first time, completely not put up with my bitchtastic BS.  Also, a girl, for the first time, had not swooned over Chris giving her attention.  Obviously, I couldn't stop thinking about him. I emailed him while I was in Virginia and called him as soon as I got back.

I went out with Chris and other friends for my 25th birthday a few days later on September 27th.  My best friend called the next morning and I told her I had met the man I was going to marry.

October 2001

A few days after my birthday, one of us made the comment "you won't marry me." This started a "no, YOU won't marry ME" type stupid argument. We are REALLY REALLY good at stupid arguments. I called his bluff and told him to call my mom and tell her we were getting married. He did it, poor sap.

Mom assumed I was pulling her leg so she started telling Chris that he wasn't good enough for her daughter and she did not approve of him, etc.  I saw his face just drop. Poor guy didn't know what hit him.  I took the phone away and told her I wasn't kidding.  She has a conscience, unlike me, so she felt bad and only laughed a little bit before she told Chris he had to spend a weekend with her...without me.  He did it, poor sap.


April 2002

We got married.


November 2011

9+ years later, we're still married, poor sap.

Had we known each other any better, it probably wouldn't have happened. We didn't like each other very much that first year of marriage.  Thankfully, we like each other now.

Inspired by: 3.) Married? Tell us the story of how the question was popped.

Top 10 Reasons the West Coast is Better Than the East Coast

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Chris has been on a blogging roll lately...

If you know me at all you know that I would prefer to live back on the West Coast any day of the week. How could you not? I talk about it constantly and even dish out a West Coast "W" whenever I can.

Chris at Yosemite - Half Dome in the background

So to even further my push of the West coast and to continually remind myself how much I love it, I decided to let everyone know why the West coast is better than the East. I've lived in both, although a significantly longer amount on the East, and it's not even close. Of course, this is just one man's opinion. I encourage you to develop your own.

In no particular order.....

1. Better Scenery. Snow-capped Olympics and Cascades, Mt. Rainier, Yosemite NP, Big Sur, San Diego, Palm Springs, etc. versus the Appalachians and Florida beaches. I prefer mountains, real mountains, so this is a no brainer. While the Florida beaches are nicer, the West coast wins on mountains alone. By the way, Yosemite NP is the most beautiful place on Earth.

Pebble Beach

2. More Animal-friendly. Not to say there aren't animal-friendly people and places on the East coast, but there are just so many more out West. From animal-friendly restaurants to huge, I mean huge, off-leash dog parks and beaches to numerous no-kill animal rescue organizations, the East coast can't compete.

Samson, Holly, & Boomer chillin' at a winery

3. Better Radio Stations. Okay, I'm sure this is up for debate, but let me tell you. I've heard songs on the West coast that didn't make it to the East coast until months later. And Seattle? Forget about it. You don't move to the West coast to make it on the radio stations.

4. Better attitude. Everyone who has lived on the West coast will tell you that things are just more laid back. It's no lie. A stress-free, care-free life is so much healthier (and more fun) than an up-tight, care-what-people-think attitude. Not saying the entire East coast is like this, but it seems to be the case that the further you get from DC and politics, the more laid back life is.

San Francisco - Golden Gate Bridge

5. West Coast Time Zone. Yeah, so in the fall I can wake up at 6am, walk the dogs, turn on College GameDay at 7am, see my first game at 9am, even catch the night games, and be able to go out after it's all over.

6. Wine, Wine, Wine. From Washington all the way down to California, there are so many wineries. In many areas, you don't have to drive any more than 5 miles in any direction to have 15-20 wineries. And they are good.

a vineyard in Sonoma Valley

7. Beer, Beer, Beer. I will argue until I'm blue in the face that the beer on the West Coast is better and more plentiful. I could name several dozen breweries that are awesome but all of my favorites are out West. Green Flash, Lagunitas, Sierra Nevada, and Pyramid are just a few.

8. More National Parks. Yeah, this kind of relates to the scenery, but it's worthy of its own number. Just pull out a National Park map and you will see that the West Coast has so many more.

Crater Lake & Mt Rainier

9. Better Food. You can find the same genre of foods on the East coast, but all of the genres taste better, in my opinion out West. All of my favorite restaurants are out there.

10. More environmentally-friendly. People on the West Coast care about the environment and go out of their way to show it. A lot of companies don't charge to recycle, and even if they did, everyone would still do it

So that's it. I'll say again, this is my opinion. There are a couple of things that are worse on the West Coast (cost of living) but they don't even compare to the great things out there. If you haven't been, please go. I can recommend numerous places.  Especially if it involves camping, beer, or wine.  Just ask.

What's your opinion on the East Coast vs West Coast?  Do you have a favorite of the two?

Why I Won't Birth 20 Kids

Tweet So, the Duggars had a big announcement this week.  Michelle Duggar is pregnant again.

image credit: ivanmarn

First of all, more power to her and I sincerely hope she has a safe & healthy pregnancy.

However, all of the publicity got me thinking and that's always a little scary.  I started thinking about 20 kids and I realized I could never do it for a lot of reasons.

1 - I'm 35 years old.  I only have one child. The thought of being pregnant well into my 50s in order to have 19 more children doesn't appeal to me.

2 - We have a soft spot for big dogs. Really big dogs.  That leaves little room for 19 more children.

3 - I hated being pregnant. I was sick and miserable the whole time.  As much as I love Klaw, the thought of being pregnant again, even if only one more time, makes me cringe.

4 - I don't like to do laundry.

5 - I can barely remember the names of my pets. There's no way I'd remember the names of 20 children. I've watched the Duggars rattle off the names of their children and I am in awe.

6 - If we had 20 kids, statistically speaking, about 5 of those kids would have VLCADD.  Granted, it's a manageable condition...but that first year is awful.  Hospitalizations, weekly visits with specialists, regular blood work, cardiology appointments, waking the baby up & force feeding him/her...it's emotionally and physically draining.  Thinking about going through that four more times is overwhelming.

7 - I imagine cosleeping is pretty difficult with 20 kids.  How many king size beds would we have to buy & shove together?

8 - Chris would eventually deploy again.  That would SUUUUUUCK!!!

9 - I don't think 20 kids would fit in our pop-up camper.  This is not acceptable.

10 - I have nightmares about blown out vajajays.

What it all comes down to is this:

Her body; her choice.

My body; my choice.

How about we leave each other's uteri alone.

You hear that voters?

ETA: I'm very sorry to add that the Duggars lost their baby.
I'm even sorrier to add that many people have not been very compassionate about it.

Run a Marathon, Give Birth, Who Cares?

Tweet Evidently, a lot of people do.


 photo credit

I wasn't one of them until, Liz, a twitter friend & blogger at a belle, a bean, & a chicago dog, posted an innocent question on the twitter:

Everyone keeps praising the pregnant woman who ran the #ChicagoMarathon. Anyone think that wasn't such a great thing for her to do?

Some of the responses she got made me realize how many people are coming down hard on this mom for her "reckless" and "irresponsible" decision to "run" a marathon at 39 weeks of pregnancy. Not just, "I wouldn't do it" or "I don't think she should have done it" but people seriously calling her "reckless," "irresponsible," "selfish," and "risky."

In case you didn't catch the news coverage, Amber Miller got clearance from her doctor & support from her husband to run half the marathon & walk half the marathon at 39 weeks of pregnancy.  Obviously, she didn't just up & decide to run a marathon.  She is in excellent physical condition and had no contraindications to continuing her physical activity during pregnancy.

I'd like to point out that my Google news search for "chicago marathon birth" on 10 OCT 2011 turned up more articles about the winner of the marathon & the firefighter who died than it did for the woman who gave birth.  She was mentioned in a few articles, but only rarely mentioned in the titles.

Why is this a big deal?  I wasn't in condition to run a marathon BEFORE I got pregnant, so it would be asinine for me to do so while pregnant.  Personally, I think running when you aren't being chased by a knife-wielding maniac is pretty crazy, but I'm a lazy sloth. Other women have continued to train for marathons while pregnant, so this isn't anything new.  The key point is that your activity level during pregnancy is individual to you.  I was walking 3 miles a day towards the end of my pregnancy with no issues.  Some women are on modified bed rest.  I am not going to judge another woman's pregnancy needs based on my own.

Most people understand difference between discussing/debating a controversial issue (which I greatly enjoy).  However, when I see words like "irresponsible" and "selfish" coming up repeatedly, I tend to think it's no longer a discussion but a judgment.  It would be very irresponsible for ME to run a marathon ever at 39 weeks, but it's not irresponsible for everyone, as evidenced by Amber Miller.

Guess what?  I have a few confessions:

1- I ate sushi while pregnant.
2- I cleaned the litter box while pregnant.
3- I had half a Guinness while pregnant.
4- I ate soft cheeses while pregnant.
5- I took zoloft while pregnant.
6- I did not get the seasonal flu or swine flu vaccine while pregnant.
7- I slept on my back more than once while pregnant.
8- I went to a party, wore heels, & met Donald Rumsfeld the night before I went into labor.
9- I labored at home for several hours after my water broke.
10- I hired a midwife and not an OB.

For each of these things (okay, maybe not meeting Rumsfeld, I just like to throw that in whenever I get the chance), I was told by at least one person that I was being selfish and putting my baby at risk.  I never asked for anyone's opinion, but my growing belly made some people think they needed to tell me exactly how irresponsible and negligent I was being.

Guess what? I have the right to make decisions concerning my own body.  Just because a woman is pregnant does not suddenly mean that she loses the right to make her own decisions. Random members of society don't get to make these decisions for me based on what they think I should do.  In fact, unless I'm declared mentally incompetent, no one gets to make decisions for me.

This kind of thinking worries me because it can lead to pregnant women being forced into birth interventions, surgery, or tests without their consent because someone else deems the mother's right of refusal invalid due to her being pregnant.  It can throw us back decades with women's rights.

the New Jersey appellate court found that V.M. and B.G. had abused and neglected their child, based on the fact that the mother, V.M., refused to consent to a cesarean section and behaved erratically while in labor. The mother gave birth vaginally without incident, and the baby was "in good medical condition." Then she was never returned to her parents, and the judge in the case approved a plan to terminate their parental rights and give custody of the child to foster parents.

*******

Melissa Ann Rowland stands charged of murder by the State of Utah forfailing to permit a timely cesarean section that could have saved one of her two babies from in utero death.  Her case demonstrates the classic maternal-fetal conflict: Mrs. Rowland refused to consent to a procedure that had substantial risks for her and no benefits, but which could have saved her stillborn child’s life.  The charges represent the farthest extent of state action in favor of fetal rights over maternal autonomy and proceed against a jumbled background of contradictory precedents.

These were just two examples and the facts surrounding the cases are murky but the charges were brought against these women due to their refusal to do what someone else decided was best for them.

This leaves a really bad taste in my mouth.  It tastes like paternalism & misogyny.

I'm going to step off my soap box now but I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you think women lose their autonomy upon getting pregnant? Should doctors/caregivers/loved ones have the authority to overrule a pregnant woman's decisions regarding her body?

Roadside Emergency Kits

Tweet In my almost 20 years of driving, I have learned the importance of having a Roadside Emergency Kit available at all times.  Some of the contents have come about due to finding myself in a situation and lacking a necessary item (inflate-a-flat, anyone?).  Some of them are, of course, the basics that everyone should have at all times (like jumper cables!).

However, my Roadside Emergency Kit has evolved devolved into something quite alarming over the past few years.  I'm sure a behavior analyst would have plenty to say about it.  To be quite honest, I was rather taken aback when I realized what I had collected.

Perhaps Chris &/or any of my passengers should be a little wary.

You never know what you're in for when you get in the car with me.

Yes, you are reading that correctly.  My Roadside Emergency Kit contains Bubba teeth, athletic tape, a knife, and an ice scraper.  All I need are some adult diapers and I'm ready for a trip to Cape Canaveral.

Top 5 Reasons Bacon Makes Me Cry

Tweet Look, I realize this is a risky post for some of my blog readers.  I hope you'll continue to read this, even though it's anti-bacon.

I'll also show you this lovely picture of crispy bacon to distract you and dull your senses.

 

{image source: Kimtaro}

As far as my diet is concerned, I am closer to a vegetarian than a carnivore. I was a pescetarian for several years until we discovered that I am carnitine deficient (this is related to my VLCADD carrier status).  The easiest way to add carnitine to your diet is to eat meat, so I eat poultry again.

Anyways, I digress.  I don't eat pork (or beef).  I actually stopped eating most pork, with the exception of bacon, long before bacon made me cry.

So, without further ado,

The Top 5 Reasons Bacon Makes Me Cry

5 - I'll be brief about this, but let's just say that pork causes some gastrointestinal issues for me. I won't go into detail and I highly suggest you don't use your imagination.

4 - We live en route to Smithfield, VA, so I see (and smell) this a lot:

 

{image source: elbragon} 

Pig trucks make me cry for a variety of reasons.  Cute little piggies.

3 - Okay, I can admit that I love the taste of bacon.  Sometimes I cry when I think about how good it tastes and how I don't eat it anymore.  I might, one day, forget how bacon tastes and I'm not sure how I feel about that.

2 - Um, yeah...

 

{image source: miss karen}

and finally...

The Number One Reason Bacon Makes Me Cry

1 - This is what I see when I look at bacon.  I can't eat that! I can throw live crabs in boiling water but all I see is a smiling piglet when I see bacon.  Do you understand why this is a problem for me?

{image source: Meneer Zjeroen}

Bonus info:
The pork processing plants are located on Virgina State Route 666.
No lie.

This post was inspired by:

2.) Top Ten Reasons Bacon is Awesome prompt.

An Accidental Stalking

Tweet  This week's list of prompts from Mama Kat were really all wonderful...but this one stuck out to me like a sore thumb:

1.) The Police said it best when they said, “Every breath you take/And every move you make/Every bond you break, every step you take/I’ll be watching you”. Write about a time you believed someone was watching you.

I don't tell this story often, but I once had a stalker.

I was a lifeguard in my early twenties and in easily the best shape of my life.  I worked outdoors in a swimsuit and swam at least half a mile every day.

 Thinking back, I was way more stalker-worthy than I am right now in my mid-thirties with added baby-weight.  (If Chris were here, he would dutifully & lovingly point out that I have two significantly larger assets that I lacked when I was lifeguarding)

Back to the story...


One day, I was leaving work & headed out to my car when I noticed a note on my windshield.

There was no signature.

The message was fairly vague, just letting me know that someone was watching me & that they'd like to get together soon.

My friends & I have unusual senses of humor, so I assumed it was a friend pulling a prank.  Everybody knew where I worked & I'd often have people come by & visit during the day.  I put the note in my glove box & called it a day.

A day or two later, I got a phone call from one of my friends.  She wanted to let me know that a guy who had once stalked her was out of JAIL and trying to contact her again.  He mentioned that he saw her working WHERE I WORKED and she wanted to let me know (I was the only female that even remotely looked similar to her).

She had already contacted the police and I told her about the note.

So, my one & only stalker wasn't even stalking me.

I never got another note on windshield.

Ever.

the end

Operation: Garage Declutter

Tweet Chris half-way accepted my Declutter Challenge from last week.  He wasn't willing to blog about it...but we DID finally declutter the garage.  It was about 100,000 degrees outside, bright & sunny.  Perfect weather for cleaning out a garage.

OMG it was so worth it.

Half of our two-car garage contains our pop-up camper, so I feel confident that our garage could have been a lot worse.  However, it was pretty dang bad with only half the garage being filled with pure crap.

Yeah.  That's pretty disgusting, eh?  Don't I know it.  The sad part is that we had cleaned it out once before so that I could get my SUV in the garage enough to get Klaw out in inclement weather.  (The camper makes it difficult without all of the junk!)

Well, we got started and got sweaty.  Nasty sweaty.  Chris broke out in his random hives. It was disgusting.

We organized everything on the driveway: Keep; donate; and trash.

My suv contained the "donate" items.  Chris's truck contained the "trash."

At the end of the day, all that was left was a small stool that had too many stains for the Goodwill to accept.

This is what our garage looks like now:

I'm pretty pleased.

The hardest part will be keeping the garage like this.

Bonus:  We found an old army first aid kit tucked away.  The paperwork we found with it was dated 1967, but no name attached.

 

 Have you ever filled two trucks full of junk after a declutter?  What's your biggest hurdle when it comes to decluttering your house?  Do you actually use your garage for your vehicles?  Does anyone?

Top 5 things I don't like about me

Tweet Ok, so I came to the realization the other day there are a few things that I really don't like about myself. The list I've compiled here includes both physical and personality traits. Some of them are changeable, some of them are changeable with large sums of money, and some I just can't do a thing about. I thought about doing a Vlog with this one, but I don't need my hot wife's friends asking her why she is with "that guy".

Here are the TOP FIVE things I hate about myself, in no particular order, and what I am doing, if anything, to fix them.

Enjoy.

1. The Hives. Yeah, so about a year or two ago I started getting hives. At first, I noticed them after I was sweating or when stressed, usually after exercising or cutting the grass or when I'm running late for something. I tried taking Benadryl and every other allergy medication I could get my hands on.

Nothing worked.

Then, the hives reared their ugly head after I went into the ocean, no sweating involved. I don't want to go out in public when they are there and I joke that I have leprosy. Yep, it sucks. I have an appointment to see an allergist who can hopefully figure out why they come and how I can stop it.

2. Male Pattern Baldness. I used to have a beautiful head of hair and I suppose I still have 7/8 head of beautiful hair. The first person who brought this to my attention was my sister who happen to see the top of my head in a picture. Thanks sis. I used to be the guy who would never consider using medication to enhance looks, but hey, I want my beautiful, full head of hair back. Rogaine is halting the Benedictine Monk look I'm headed for but I need it to re-grow the hair. NOW!

3. I'm extremely judgmental. This is probably the one item on this list that I go back and forth with on whether or not I hate it. Part of me enjoys making fun of people who aren't like me. I mean I look forward to trips to Walmart to see all the rednecks (see, I'm being judgmental now). I think people with tattoos on their lower back are tramps and low class. I think people who use the Hoverounds at grocery stores should lose weight. I think people, mainly guys, who talk with a southern accent are dumb and uneducated. Pretty much I'm an elitist and right now, I'm not happy about it. What am I doing about it? Nothing probably because by the time this post I'll not hate it about me any more.

4. My feet. Yep, they are hairy and I have the worst toenails ever. My wife calls me her Hobbit. I tried Nair once on them, but it looked really strange. I don't really plan on doing anything to fix this because, after all, I can wear flip-flops in the winter time since I have natural socks.

5. Hair, hair, everywhere. Ok, I really just don't like the hair in my ears and nose. I wish I could take the hair those places and put them on my head. Really what is the purpose of hair in those places anyways? Yeah, I guess you could argue that hair in the nose filters dirt and other crap going up there but let's be honest, how much foreign material goes up our nose (drug users don't answer this). The only useful purpose I have found for my nose hair is to keep me awake on long drives by pulling them out. Damn that hurts.

Now the ear hair. Why? Nope, my ears don't get cold enough where I need a fur coat to keep them warm. Again, I don't stick foreign objects in there so it can be there for that purpose. If someone knows a useful purpose let me know. In the mean time, I will continue to trim and pluck the hell out of those non-useful, annoying dermis protrusions.

I'm sure I could list a dozen more things I don't like about myself but I've got to maintain some sort of dignity.

vanity is a strange thing

Tweet Believe it or not, I have a streak of vanity.

I know, I know...this may be hard to believe when you think about how public I was about my big fat face on the Fourth of July, my accidental mullet, or my atrocious sense of elementary school fashion.

Yes, I will leave the house and make light of the fact that my face is twice as big as usual.  I'm not saying I like it, but it's not that big of a deal and I do kind of think it's funny.  I don't mind the huge cafe au lait birthmark that stretches from my calf to my back.  The big brown splotch on my forehead doesn't bother me a bit.  My multiple scars & bruises are just evidence of a life well-lived.

However, throw a few zits on my face and you'd think I've grown a third head.

My almost 35 year old face has broken out in painful acne thanks to the prednisone I had to take in order to reduce the size of my swollen face.  I've had adult acne for a while, so this is nothing entirely new, but it's been fairly well controlled thanks to various treatments.  Pregnancy made my acne almost non-existent. 

I had been lulled into an acne-free dream world.

Prednisone knocked my happy butt back into reality.

No, I'm not posting any pictures.

For the record, prednisone-induced acne scoffs at prescription acne cream.

Top Ten (Canceled) TV Shows

Tweet We don't watch a whole heckuva lot of TV around here.  One of the reasons is because when we like a show, it gets canceled.  It's quite annoying.  I'd like to pay homage to some of my favorite TV shows, in no particular order, that are no longer gracing the small screen.

Moonlight - two words: Alex O'Loughlin
You can keep your Hawaii Five-0 (although I have been known to watch it on mute).  I want the gorgeous & emotionally tortured vampire, please.

Dark Shadows - Barnabas is another tortured undead soul that should still be on air (at least in more reruns!).  I was enthralled by this show when I was little.  It creeped me out quite a bit, but I liked it...if an episode happens to be playing when I'm channel surfing, I'm on it like white on rice.  Maybe this is why I was so drawn to Moonlight.

Angel - Okay, yeah, I'm noticing a theme already. No, I have not seen any of the Twilight movies.  If Rob Pattinson looked like David Boreanz, I would have been there at midnight with all of the screaming teenagers.

The Greatest American Hero - Who could it be?  Believe it or not, it's just me!  Best. Theme Song. Ever.

Wonder Woman - C'mon.  A brunette Amazon that kicks Nazi tail?  What's not to love? (especially for a lanky, dorky brunette named Dana)

Boston Public - This is really for Chris.  He loved this show.  I enjoyed it, too.  Smell that shoe.






Pushing Daisies - This show was so freaking cute & dark at the same time.  I loved it.  It introduced me to Kristin Chenowith (who needs a sammich based on how she looks on SYTYCD).  I also knew from the beginning that it wouldn't last. The humor in it was too dark to appeal to the masses and the whole storyline was really quite quirky & strange in an Edward Scissorhands kind of way.  I was sad to say goodbye to The Pie Hole.

The New Adventures of Old Christine - This show was so inappropriate in so many ways.  It was hilarious.  Obviously, not everyone agreed.

The "real" "not suitable for kids" Sesame Street - I'm sorry Elmo & Abby annoy the crap out of me. I won't let Klaw watch the "new" Sesame Street.  I can't stand it.  Why can't the clips be slower and less CrAzY?  Here's a little Cab Calloway action:






Guiding Light -  CBS can bite my butt for cancelling one of my stories (two if you count As the World Turns).  That is all.


I purposely left out Arrested Development.  I think most people agree that it is too obvious a choice.

This post was inspired by Mama Kat's Writing Prompt:

1.) A list of 10 old TV shows you’d like to make a comeback.

*as of 8:15am EST, the video clips are not loading. I am trying to figure it out. Thanks!

what not to wear #vlogtalk

Tweet This week's #VlogTalk is inspired by:

2.) Your spouse’s pet peeve (Submitted by Mama’s Monologues)

Chris has a lot of pet peeves. This one does not involve me, thank goodness.



Oh, in case you missed it, you really should check out how my face exploded on the 4th of July.

Don't forget to check out the other great vlogs!