Sunday, July 31, 2011

Top 5 things I don't like about me

Ok, so I came to the realization the other day there are a few things that I really don't like about myself. The list I've compiled here includes both physical and personality traits. Some of them are changeable, some of them are changeable with large sums of money, and some I just can't do a thing about. I thought about doing a Vlog with this one, but I don't need my hot wife's friends asking her why she is with "that guy".

Here are the TOP FIVE things I hate about myself, in no particular order, and what I am doing, if anything, to fix them.


1. The Hives. Yeah, so about a year or two ago I started getting hives. At first, I noticed them after I was sweating or when stressed, usually after exercising or cutting the grass or when I'm running late for something. I tried taking Benadryl and every other allergy medication I could get my hands on.

Nothing worked.

Then, the hives reared their ugly head after I went into the ocean, no sweating involved. I don't want to go out in public when they are there and I joke that I have leprosy. Yep, it sucks. I have an appointment to see an allergist who can hopefully figure out why they come and how I can stop it.

2. Male Pattern Baldness. I used to have a beautiful head of hair and I suppose I still have 7/8 head of beautiful hair. The first person who brought this to my attention was my sister who happen to see the top of my head in a picture. Thanks sis. I used to be the guy who would never consider using medication to enhance looks, but hey, I want my beautiful, full head of hair back. Rogaine is halting the Benedictine Monk look I'm headed for but I need it to re-grow the hair. NOW!

3. I'm extremely judgmental. This is probably the one item on this list that I go back and forth with on whether or not I hate it. Part of me enjoys making fun of people who aren't like me. I mean I look forward to trips to Walmart to see all the rednecks (see, I'm being judgmental now). I think people with tattoos on their lower back are tramps and low class. I think people who use the Hoverounds at grocery stores should lose weight. I think people, mainly guys, who talk with a southern accent are dumb and uneducated. Pretty much I'm an elitist and right now, I'm not happy about it. What am I doing about it? Nothing probably because by the time this post I'll not hate it about me any more.

4. My feet. Yep, they are hairy and I have the worst toenails ever. My wife calls me her Hobbit. I tried Nair once on them, but it looked really strange. I don't really plan on doing anything to fix this because, after all, I can wear flip-flops in the winter time since I have natural socks.

5. Hair, hair, everywhere. Ok, I really just don't like the hair in my ears and nose. I wish I could take the hair those places and put them on my head. Really what is the purpose of hair in those places anyways? Yeah, I guess you could argue that hair in the nose filters dirt and other crap going up there but let's be honest, how much foreign material goes up our nose (drug users don't answer this). The only useful purpose I have found for my nose hair is to keep me awake on long drives by pulling them out. Damn that hurts.

Now the ear hair. Why? Nope, my ears don't get cold enough where I need a fur coat to keep them warm. Again, I don't stick foreign objects in there so it can be there for that purpose. If someone knows a useful purpose let me know. In the mean time, I will continue to trim and pluck the hell out of those non-useful, annoying dermis protrusions.

I'm sure I could list a dozen more things I don't like about myself but I've got to maintain some sort of dignity.

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